i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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