Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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