dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
