We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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