Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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