you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
