The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
