i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
