Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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