that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
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triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
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Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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