I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
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maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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