dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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