rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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