Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Mom said you looked used
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
