I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
