I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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