I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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