In the future we'll all be gay
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
