2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i've created a new STD.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
