When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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