I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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