i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
