I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
