my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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