She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
