You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
