Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Less talking, more tequila
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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