and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
