Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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