Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
