Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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