i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
