so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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