Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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