She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
