I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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