I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
