Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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