I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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