So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize