Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
