Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
