um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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