o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
nutella sex= disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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