Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
