You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
