i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
