is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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