the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
tell me about the eggs
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
