Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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