i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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