wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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