Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
