fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
