After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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