thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
