i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
where am i from again
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
