i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
