hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
