I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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