Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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