I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
