In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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