we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
