so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
