I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
