Me too!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
