i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
