These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't deserve a penis
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
