R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
