this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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