he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
