So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Randomize
